Transformational Life Coach and Relationship Counselor

I can help you explore any kind of interpersonal relationship issue, including marriage counseling, or enhancing other kinds of significant personal relationships. I can also help you gain insight in regard to any kind of vocational, psychological, spiritual, or societal, issue that may be important to you, e.g., clarifying your basic goals in life, actualizing your natural individual potentials, enhancing your level of creative functioning, coping with difficult life crises, pragmantic adaptations, and challenging situations, facing opportunities for constructive personal transformation, helping other individuals and contributing to positive social transformation through one's career, volunteer work, and personal life, and so on. I will show you how to deal effectively with the necessary challenges of life that one has to face.

In my relationship counseling services, I help you learn how to develop open, honest, constructive, meaningful, communication with other individuals, as a way of producing greater levels of mutual empathic understanding, constructive conflict resolution, and co-creative transformational empowerment, in your personal relationships. I can also help you understand how connecting to other individuals, in unselfish, deeply caring, relationships, can enable one to tap into a regenerative level of life energy, for enhanced vitality, psychological transformation and spiritual growth, optimal well being, creative inspiration, as well as holistic healing of heart, mind, and body.

In addition to providing counseling dealing with issues pertaining to enhancing one's own personal relationships and individual life, I am also able to provide counseling for issues related to contributing to the constructive transformation of contemporary society. This involves understanding how the synergistic/co-creative power of love can gradually, constructively, transform the collective heart of humanity, from a predominantly selfish, fearful, abusive, predatory, addictive, toxic, orientation, to a more unselfish, compassionate, relaxed, secure, wholesome, orientation.

My Credentials: I have interdisciplinary PhD in Religious Studies/Spirituality and History of World Cultures, and have also taken extensive graduate level coursework and supervised practica in Psychology and Counseling. I have many years of experience in counseling, mentoring, and am currently writing two books, one focusing on developing creative psychological self-understanding and constructive personal transformation, and the other dealing with developing deeply caring interpersonal relationships, involving good communication, emotional closeness, co-creative/synergistic empowerment, and holistic transformation of one's consciousness and functioning.

Contact Information: Email: mhbj8@hotmail.com

The Co-Creative Muse

I find that the best kind of creative inspiration, in any field of endeavor, comes from communing deeply with other life presences, in heartfelt, open-minded, empathic attunement with them. The more deeply we invest our heart, mind, and senses, in communion with other life presences, experiences, and activities, in the world, the more does the co-creative heart core of our own being become stirred, and reveal greater gifts of creative inspiration and meaningful insight, as the source of great artistic expression, heart-full living, and enhanced performance in any area of endeavor. When individual hearts resonate in deeply invested attunement with each other, they energize each other, like magnets, releasing the co-creative process of synergy, like electricity flowing only when an electrical plug and socket, or positive and negative electrical poles, are connected to one another.

However, as long as the heart remains egocentrically, narcissistically, selfishly, self-absorbed, or self-possessed, we will be able to make only rather shallow contact with others, with only the superficial levels of our awareness. Without heartfelt communion, the mind and senses, by themselves alone, can contact, understand, and appreciate, only rather superficial aspects of reality, and provide only a relatively shallow, mechanical, level of creative artistic functioning. That is why I agree with what St. Exupery wrote, in his book, "The Little Prince", "It is only with the eyes of the heart that one can see what is most essential in life....Only the heart sees clearly, because what is essential is not visible to the eyes". I might add, what is essential in life is also not available to the analytical intellect, functioning independently of the deeper, relational, insight of the heart, because the analytical mind tends to be self-absorbed in its own thought, rather than making direct contact with other life presences, experiences, and activities, in the world.

To make direct, deep, empathic, contact with anyone or anything, and to tap into the relational source of co-creative insight and inspiration, one must let go of precommitted mental presumptions, preconceptions, and abstractions, which function like an opaque filter, barrier, or distorting mechanism, keeping the mind self absorbed in its own thought, and blocking direct contact and heartfelt empathic communion with actual life experience in the world, which the philosopher Martin Buber describes as the I-Thou relationship, in contrast to the I-It relationship. In Biblical terms, this is the difference between experiencing reality as though through a "poor reflection", or "a glass darkly" rather than "face to face" (I Corinthians 13:12). Communing with the enduring living presence, or living spirit, that the author of any creative work has invested in that creative production can empathically reveal the meaningful intention and originating inspirational experience of that author or producer. The reason why the highest source level of creative insight, inspiration, and production, comes from relational communion is because it is a relational reality nature, rather than a solo, divisive, dualistic, or separate individualistic nature. Therefore, introspective processes that produce greater self-involvement, and break off heartfelt communion with others, cannot reveal and release the highest level of creative functioning.

Caring human relationships can also facilitate creative transformations of individual people and global society by enabling the power of love to gradually transform individual hearts, and the collective spiritual heart of humanity, from selfishness, fear, and brutality to unselfish caring about others.

Why Good Communication is the Foundation of Enduring True Friendship

Agreement or disagreement is much less important than good communication as a way of enabling people to deeply understand each other, and, thereby, gradually develop the ability to feel inwardly close to each other, as caring good friends. Good communication, as the basis of true friendship, means that one does not keep one’s inner experience to oneself alone, but, instead, actively reaches out to share one’s experience, feelings, thoughts, and needs with another person, as openly, honestly, directly, fully, constructively, and non-judgmentally, as possible. Good communication, as the basis of true and enduring friendship, also involves being open to considering another person’s viewpoint and needs, and constructively exploring differences that may arise between oneself and the other person, without trying to win an argument, but, rather, only exploring together into the truth of those issues, without blaming, abusing, or trying to intimidate and control each other, and without insisting that one is always totally “right” and the other person is always totally “wrong”. Without that kind of good communication, actively reaching out to share one’s heart and mind with another person, one’s inner being remains hidden, disconnected, self-enclosed, so real understanding and close, caring, feelings cannot grow, as a deepening friendship.

So many friendships and romantic relationships fail because people permit themselves to “grow apart”, or gradually drift apart, without ever taking responsibility to deeply reveal themselves to the other person, and deeply tune into the other person, empathically, and intuitively, in order to directly experience what the other person means by the particular words that they say, or write, “reading between the lines”, so to speak, or tuning into an even deeper level of another person’s being, beyond all definable words and images. That deepest level of empathic/intuitive communion is the Source from which all true love and friendship arises, and that is what enables true love and friendship to keep growing deeper, closer, and grander, instead of gradually drifting apart because of lack of good communication, producing lack of mutual understanding, and lack of inner closeness. What makes people true friends of each other, rather than strangers, most essentially, is not outer physical contact, shared activities, and superficial social interaction, by themselves alone, but much more importantly, arises from development of substantial inner connection, by giving deeply, generously, unselfishly, of their energies to each other, and openly, honestly, directly, revealing their actual experience and true essential core being to one another.

 

Many relationships fail when individuals seek to be heard and nurtured, but have not developed a sufficient ability to be unselfishly, empathically, tuned into, aware of, and caringly responsive to, the other person's need to also be heard and nurtured, in terms of their particular needs, feelings, and experiences, in a given moment. It takes a rather high level of unselfish caring, empathic sensitivity, and emotional maturity to be able to put aside one's own needs and train of thought (or inner mental monologue) for a while, in order to empathically tune into what another person is feeling and needing, in a given moment, and respond in a way that enables the other person to feel truly heard and deeply nourished/nurtured. Like a couples dance, both partners (or individuals in some other kind of relationship) need to learn how to flow together in empathic harmonious communion with one another ("in step" with each other's dance movements, metaphorically speaking), and, relatedly, also flow in harmonious attunement with the "dance music" of love, or caring friendship, that seeks to lead both of them into greater attunement with each other, as a related "we", rather than a separate "you versus me."

My own experience has shown me that if one is overly invested in preserving the ego's sense of separate self-awareness, willful selfish demands, and inner monologue fantasy (being overly absorbed in one's own train of thought), then it can become difficult to self-forgetfully tune into what another person is experiencing, feeling, and needing, regardless of whether or not the other person verbally communicates that, or which can also be empathically intuited, as a kind of nonverbal communication. I find that when I hold certain presumptions or preconceptions about another individual, and about my relationship with/to them, then those presumptions can function like a kind of overlay, opaque filter, or smokescreen, that I, consciously or subconsciously, project upon them, preventing me from directly contacting their actual experiential states, because I am, instead, projecting my own preconceptions upon them.

I find that even negative feelings, such as, frustration, or even anger, can be expressed in a constructive, nonjudgmental, nonblaming, open, sincerely caring, non-evasive, manner, which usually leads to greater understanding of each other, and of whatever issue has been blocking us from being in harmonious caring attunement with each other (preventing us from being "on the same page", so to speak), and once those issues are constructively explored into and deeply understood, then they can be truly resolved and transcended (rather than merely being covered over, buried, or suppressed), enabling emotional closeness and caring feelings in the relationship to grow. I find that being honest with myself, in terms of being willing to openly admit to myself when I am permitting previously unrecognized, non-constructive, insincere, ego "games" to undermine the relationship, such as, evasiveness (talking or chattering without really saying anything), letting myself become emotionally shut down (engaging in emotional abandonment, which can function as a way of subtly trying to punish the other person, by withholding caring, affection, or attentive listening), giving in to wounded pride, as a resentful attitude, or adopting an overly selfishly demanding attitude. I find that when I am willing to acknowledge and let go of such egocentric habitual patterns, then those obstructing factors that tend to block caring feelings and mutual understanding tend to fall away, naturally, effortlessly.

For a relationship to endure and grow, it is important for both individuals to be good friends in each other, willing to confide in each other, be there for each other emotionally as well as physically in times of need, and be willing to share difficult times, and patiently work through persistent problems in the relationship, rather than being quick to abandon the other person, and the relationship with them, when discomfort arises. That is what it means to be an unselfishly devoted "friend for all seasons" rather than a selfishly fickle "fair-weather friend." When I do not understand how to constructively understand and resolve, disagreements and other problems, in a relationship, then I find it helpful to invite the spirit of unselfish pure love to interpret the situation, which can enable me to see beyond, and not be myopically, exclusively, locked into, the ego's interpretations of those situations, which are often based on incorrect presumptions and nonconstructive, unrealistic, selfish wants.

I find that when I let go of the ego's overly controlling, willful, prideful, selfish, narcissistically self absorbed tendencies (as in the ancient Greek Myth story of Narcissus), that I find that the flow of love, or sincerely caring friendship, is no longer blocked, and then harmony and mutual empathic understanding arises automatically, effortlessly, spontaneously. When those ego "coverings", "filters", "overlays", or "smokescreens", are removed, then there is no longer any blockage to good communication and deep empathic communion with each other. That reminds me of one of my favorite songs, "On a clear day, you can see forever...." Along these lines, I find the philosopher Martin Buber's distinction between I-Thou relationships (genuinely caring) and I-It relationships (egocentric, selfishly exploitative) relationships helpful, as described in some of his writings, such as, "I and Thou", and "The Way of Response."

Personal Life Coaches and Relationship Counselors

We can help people explore any kind of social relationship issue, or any kind of vocational, psychological, spiritual, or societal, issue, e.g., clarifying one's basic goals in life, actualizing one's natural individual potentials, enhancing one's level of creative functioning, marriage counseling, and enhancing other personal social relationships. We show you how ot deal effectively with the necessary challenges of life that one has to face.

In our relationship counseling services, we help you learn how to develop open, honest, constructive, meaningful, communication with other individuals, as a way of producing greater levels of mutual empathic understanding, constructive conflict resolution, and co-creative transformational empowerment, in your personal relationships. We can also help you understand how connecting to other individuals, in unselfish, deeply caring, relationships, can enable one to tap into a regenerative level of life energy, for enhanced vitality, psychological transformation and spiritual growth, optimal well being, creative inspiration, as well as holistic healing of heart, mind, and body.

In addition to providing counseling dealing with issues pertaining to enhancing one's own personal relationships and individual life, we are also able to provide counseling for issues related to contributing to the constructive transformation of contemporary society. This involves understanding how the synergistic/co-creative power of love can gradually, constructively, transform the collective heart of humanity, from a predominantly selfish, fearful, abusive, predatory, orientation, to a more unselfish, compassionate, relaxed, secure, wholesome, orientation.

We offer our services totally free of charge, as a loving service. We are retired from our professional careers, with a sufficient retirement income, so we do not need money.

One Personal Life Coach has a PhD in Clinical Psychology, and the other Coach has an interdisciplinary PhD in Religious Studies/Spirituality and History of World Cultures. We have many years of experience in counseling, mentoring, and are writing books in relevant areas.

Contact Information:
Email: mhbj8@hotmail.com